The ME Project

I haven’t been feeling myself lately.  At times I walk steadily, other times, no.  My normally tingly left hand has been curling up lately.  I’m feeling worn out, anxious, frustrated.

But I can’t blame MS for it all.

Earlier this weekend, when I’m whimpered about being tired, I accepted my responsibility for that.  It’s not just MS.  Sure, fatigue is a common MS symptom.  The pain and spasticity can make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep.  And then there’s the bladder.  Don’t forget the bladder that can make you get up during the night to pee, or make you think you have to pee but not let you get it all out.  But then there’s the other side of the fence that cannot be ignored.

In her book Understanding Female Fatigue, Debra Waterhouse defines 8 sources of natural energy:

1. Food
2. Water
3. Fitness
4. The Great Outdoors
5. Sleep
6. Intimacy
7. Joy
8. Balanced Stress

It’s hard to accomplish one without giving attention to the others.  So it’s really not too surprising that sleep doesn’t magically come to someone who isn’t eating well, drinking enough water, exercising enough, etc.  I can go all the way down the list.

So to paraphrase the Serenity Prayer, it’s time to focus on what I can change instead of dwelling on what I can’t.  I haven’t been sleeping well, so where to start?  Well, it might be easier to get a good night’s sleep if I actually set myself up to get a good night’s sleep.  Maybe if I try to go to bed at a consistent time each night and at a decent time I can get a good night’s sleep.  Maybe it would help if I were to get a bedtime ritual in place instead of suddenly announcing to myself OK, time for bed! and expecting to magically fall asleep immediately.

Waterhouse suggests that if you want to get more sleep, try pushing your bedtime back 15 minutes.  After you’ve done that for awhile, decide whether you need to push it back another 15 minutes.  So I started yesterday, by starting to get ready for bed at 10:30 with a plan to be in bed at 11:00.  I was about to get in bed when I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth, so I didn’t get in bed until 11:01.  But day 1 was according to plan.

If you’re noticing the timestamp on this entry, you can tell that on Day 2 I’m already backsliding.  I’m past my designated bedtime, and I’m still typing on my computer and am fully dressed with no start on my new ritual.

But I still can improve on something I did last night.  Once I got into bed, I was beating myself up for being undisciplined and having such a difficult working on things when I didn’t see immediate benefits.  You know, things like healthy eating, exercising, MS therapy, yadda yadda yadda.  That’s what inspired The ME Project.  One thing I can change about me that I will be able to see the results of right away is making a daily effort to work on me.  So yesterday’s effort was to take the first night of the earlier bedtime.  Tonight’s bedtime won’t be quite as early as last night’s, but I’m not throwing in the towel just yet.  I can still get in bed earlier than I have been recently.