After the heavy tone of the last post, I thought it would be nice to have some random thoughts to lighten up the spirit here:
Kids do not know how to handle rhetorical questions
When my kids don’t listen, we make the mistake of asking them, “How many times do we have to tell you something before you’ll do it?” The 7-year-old answers, “A hundred.”
Remember when you said you wouldn’t say to your kids the stuff your parents said to you? You lied.
My children were complaining that they didn’t get to play on the playground before choir practice like the other kids did. I said, “If the other kids jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” Not understanding rhetorical questions (see my previous point), the kids didn’t know how to respond, but the custodian standing nearby cracked up and said, “My mom used to say that to me.”
One way to get kids to stop complaining about a boo-boo? Kindly suggest amputation of the injured part.
“Mommy, my toe hurts.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, sweetie. Would you like for me to cut it off?”
“No…”
“OK sweetie, just go back and play, OK?”
Chicken leg quarters may be cheaper, but they are a nightmare to cut up for kids.
If you’re making something that they can just pick up and eat, then all right, go for it. But if there’s a sticky sauce, it’s worth just getting the split chicken breasts. They’re so much easier to cut that you’ll save time and sanity.
My kids will eat anything with ranch dressing.
People are astonished when they see my kids eating salad. I figured salad was worth a try after hearing them ask over and over for ranch dressing to go along with anything non-dessert-related that I tried to feed them. Sure enough, they are more than willing to chow down on a salad as long as there’s ranch dressing on top.
Bacon works well too.
When my 6-year-old found out you could put ranch dressing AND bacon on a salad, he was in heaven.
Parents with kids are quite understanding when you have to interrupt them to keep your children from killing themselves or others.
I was at a church dinner when I saw my children trying to climb a tree outside that was definitely NOT strong enough to hold their weight. A couple of friends tried to say hi to me as I was walking toward my kids, but they were quite understanding when I kept walking and said, “Excuse me, I’ll come back and talk to you after I chastise my children.” Both of them nodded profusely
Chocolate chip cookies are a key to successful negotiations.
We’d probably be a lot closer to world peace if a freshly baked batch of chocolate cookies was supplied for every United Nations session. I’m able to get my kids to do amazing things (like eat vegetables or clean up) if there’s a chocolate chip cookie at the end. Luckily, my kids are both incredibly skinny and eat loads of healthy foods, so I can offer the occasional cookie bribe without feeling guilty.
When you’re the mom of boys, be prepared for grossing out.
I have a good threshold for bathroom humor. I’m like Fiona on Shrek and am not easily grossed out, but even I get tired of the burping, farting, and other topics of conversation that amuse young boys. When my younger child was telling a story at his birthday party, the adults were enthralled by his creativity and level of detail. The kids were won over when he used the word “underwear”.
