Haven’t been here in awhile. Definitely something I plan to change in 2015.
I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but in the nearly 13 years since my diagnosis, I haven’t really come to terms with my MS. I mean, I know I’ve had MS, but I’ve been more focused on trying to live in the normal world despite my MS instead of defining and accepting a new normal.
There’s always been a part of me that’s seen my condition as temporary. I was using an ankle/foot orthotic (AFO)…but I wouldn’t always need it. I needed mobility aids, but I’d get back to the point where I could walk on my own without assistance. I’ve always seen my condition as something to overcome, not something to accommodate. To me, that was a sign of weakness.
Well, I’m still using the AFO. I don’t use the cane as much as I used to, but that’s because a rollator nicknamed Violet is not a regular part of my world. I could keep fumbling and bumbling through my former world, with the emphasis on bumbling. But 2014 taught me some valuable lessons about how a new normal doesn’t have to be all bad. It’s all in how you look at it.
My 12 1/2 year old Saturn decided it was time to retire. And since I wouldn’t accept it, she headed straight toward a massive pothole so that I would have no choice but to agree. My biggest criteria for my new vehicle was ease of entry. Hubby has an SUV, and it’s a war every time I try to get in or out of it. So now I’ve got a cute little Corolla in an adorable shade of blue. And since I can now plug in an MP3 player, I got a cute little blue Nano to sit in there and play all the tunes I like instead of sitting through commercial after commercial during drive time.
Like I said, I have a rollator now. But when I saw a purple one, I knew she had to come home with me. I didn’t like her at first. But now I can get through the office cafeteria without assistance and have no trouble carrying my laptop to conference rooms. I’m also less tired after walking around all day. And I’m no longer terrified about falling every time I go up or down a curb.
So for 2015, I’m going to build a new normal. Instead of fighting the world as it is, I’m going to make the changes that I need to get through each day more easily. It’s time to stop losing my balance in the closet because my clothes are packed together so tightly on the rack – I’ll take out those things I haven’t worn in ages so I have plenty of room. I bet I’ll be less nervous about cooking if I don’t have to worry about falling when I go for the skillet and bowls I typically use – I just need to move things around to put the most frequently used items in more accessible spots. Goodbye, tripping over carpet edges – hello, double-sided tape. Bathroom grab bars are made in the exact style and finish of my other bathroom hardware, so they won’t look sterile and medical.
Happy New Year to all. And may your 2015 bring you the freedom to define your world as it needs to be for you to succeed.
