Change is good. Change is bad. Change can be good or bad. People have different views of change, but there’s one indisputable fact:
Change is inevitable.
It’s easy to find references online and in bookstores that talk about how to address change. In his book Mojo: How To Get It, How To Keep It, and How To Get It Back If You Lose It, Marshall Goldsmith talks about three different ways to respond to change:
- Change the situation.
- Change yourself.
- Keep the status quo. Then you’ll keep doing what no longer works and wonder why it’s not working.
Common sense, right? As someone going through a big life change right now, I know that common sense can fly out the window. Living with an unpredictable disease like MS means responding to change in a blink of an eye sometimes. I don’t have any sage words of wisdom on how to successfully deal with a change, but I can tell you three ways not to deal with change. And yes, I am speaking from experience. I may not know how to do things the right way, but I can figure out how to mess them up.
- Disappear – When I’m dealing with a big change, I tend to retreat into my shell like a turtle. I don’t want to face people. I don’t want to explain or answer questions. But that also lets the change take over my life, and I lose a sense of perspective since I’m cutting myself off from the world. In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor cites research that successful people turn outward to their social network instead of facing inward.
- Beat myself up – It’s so easy to blame myself, to spend all of my time dwelling on the “coulda/woulda/shoulda”. I also call myself names and am so much harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else. A counselor asked me what I would say to a friend going through some type of change. I replied that it would offer support, comfort, advice depending on the situation. His response was to talk to myself like I talked to a friend. Be nice to yourself.
- Stop taking care of yourself – Eating, sleeping, exercise – these basics sound so easy but can get lost in the middle of a change. I have recently lost a lot of weight by forgetting meals and not eating enough. I’m not sleeping well. Exercise is one of those things I think about as I’m going to sleep at night. As in, I shoulda exercise today. I’ll make a note so I remember to do it tomorrow. This is an extension of being nice to yourself. Dealing with change is much easier when the body is properly fueled.
How do you deal with change? What works for you, and what hasn’t?
